Better to Have Loved and Lost?

I met my first true best friend in a refrigerator box. I was seven and she was five. Her family welcomed my family into their home in the middle of the night when we moved to a new state. Over the years her parents were like an extension of mine; her siblings crowded into my family and we all grew.
Slumber parties, picnics, ice-skating escapades, first trips to the mall after getting my lisence (and getting lost 20 miles the other way), surgeries, broken hearts, 24 scoops Tons of Fun ice cream at Kings, dreams, wedding plans, even lazy Sunday afternoon naps were shared with her.
We denied it, but everything changed when I went to college, got married, had kids. Nothing in common anymore. We tried, she even had her own room at my house, but it was all life support. Yet, I think we both still held the expectation of a relationship. We still worshipped with the same group of people; our families and siblings were still close, so it wouldn’t have occured to either one of us to just quit the feeble friendship that remained.
She’s getting married today, I think – inference based on grapevine hearsay. She hasn’t invited me. I can’t say I’m surprised by it, but I guess I’m hurt anyway. The final common thread between us frayed when I chose to move church and town. The blacker of those two marks is moving church. I wonder whether she made the decision to not invite me or if she was counseled to not.
It’s not far-fetched; plenty of other people in the previous church are being misguided and instructed to have no association with me or my family. For some reason, it doesn’t occur to any of them to ask why. What purpose does the shunning serve? It certainly doesn’t provide me or any other “outsiders” an accurate example of how Christ behaved.
It saddens me because this bygone best friend is being manipulated, deceived, and misled by people who are not in the truth, but rather serve their own bellies. I think that now I must have no voice or sway with her because of our increasing distance upon my exit of the place. That is the most grievous of all, now I can’t help her or convince her of the unhealthy, spiritually damaging environment she is in.
*This introspective confessionary moment was brought to you by an endowment for Common Sense, and by the letters J, L, and W, and by the number 2.
*In association with Harangued and Fallacious Productions.

4 thoughts on “Better to Have Loved and Lost?

  1. Unfortunate, sad, hurtful, hateful, crushing…
    There is nothing worse then being rejected. Christ faced the ultimate rejection, he died rejected – by men, not God.
    So when we think about our loved ones rejecting us, we should really think that Christ suffered this unto death for us, so it should be no big deal that we aren’t talked to anymore or we aren’t invited anywhere anymore. But alas, it is a big deal. It hurts, it crushes us, it causes us to cry out “Why God, why?”.
    It has come to the point for me that my own brother told my niece, who was about to come visit us in VA, that it was more important for her to “be with the church” than it was to visit her uncle, to visit someone who really loves and misses her.
    Essentially, it was more important that “the church” got a chance to brainwash her than it was to spend time with the “black sheep” of the family. God forbid we think for ourselves.
    I must have forgot the rules – that all thoughts, decisions, feelings, emotions and salvation must be through “the church”. How silly of me!
    You are not alone Chastity – we understand.
    Look at the bright side, we could have a “Most Rejected” contest!! LOL
    I look at it like this – there is nothing that I will have to suffer or be made to suffer that will ever compare with what my God suffered for me. Neither family or friends, “the church” or others could ever cause me to feel what Christ must have felt that day he was beaten and bruised and ripped apart with whips and thorns and nails.
    His love sustains us, His mercy saves us, His grace provides. What more do we need?
    I say we should stand proud to be “rejected”.


  2. Sad, eh? I haven’t been able to figure out where Jesus tells us to stay away from other believers. Especially – though not limited to – when they have moved on to a different church from your own. It’s as if you’re far worse to have come and moved on (still believing) than to have never come at all. That’s confusing.


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